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Posted on Thu Jul 31st, 2014 @ 6:55pm by Petty Officer 1st Class Mizatan Fij & Petty Officer 2nd Class Charles Rhodes

Episode: Orphans
Location: USS Highlander - Mess Hall
Timeline: MD29 1200hrs

"Well this is droll."

Mizatan barely glanced up from his Ktarian salad at what his friend was referring to, knowing full well that sooner rather than later, the brig officer would enlighten him to the cause of today's pessimistic mood. It wasn't as though today was any different from any other day of the week.

Rhodes sat in silence for only twenty six seconds before deciding that he had waited long enough, and that Fij must have quietly asked him "what?" by now. "Look at them all. Colonists. I thought we were supposed to be coming out here to explore, not to be a school bus for a bunch of civvies who want to go all grass roots on us and live out in the wilderness."

"The last time Captain Byrne took us on a mission of exploration, you complained about how he was always sticking the ship's nose into every nebula and putting the crew at risk," Mizatan reminded Rhodes matter-of-factly. "You said that we should just stay to the space that we already know about, and that there was no point to go and explore every crevice of the galaxy."

"Yeah, well... I'd much prefer disco lights in a nebula out of my window than having to make my way around all of these colonists every time I came for lunch."

Fij shook his head. Charles always had an answer for everything - even to his own contradictory statements. "You'd much prefer someone non-threatening to talk to through the force field of the brig that you guard all morning. Perhaps then you could enlighten somebody else to all of the failings of every command you've ever had."

"Wow Miz, was that sarcasm?" Rhodes completely glossed over the negatives and only seemed to hear what he wanted to hear. "You're coming along well! I could have sworn when I first met you you were almost like one of those bleedin' androids. 'I.Do.Not.Know.How.You.Would.Catch.A.Worm.On.A.Star.Ship.Re.Gard.Less.Of.The.Time.Of.Day'" Rhodes adopted a ridiculous impersonation of a robotic voice that sounded like it belonged to one of the machines in the 20th century, whilst at the same time locking his elbows at right angles and moving in a rigid pattern that Fij had come to understand was another reference to those early robots. The Ktarian had gotten confused when the pair first met at a comment Rhodes had made about an early bird catching a worm, and he had never let Mizatan forget about it.

"I guess some of your bad qualities are starting to rub off on me," the computer specialist quipped, having long since learnt that the only way to talk to Rhodes was to engage in the same back-and-forth jovial insults that the other petty officer more often than not insisted in employing himself.

"Pah!" Rhodes waved the insult off with a swipe of his hand through the air, before turning to look once again at the throng of colonists making their way through the mess hall rush hour. After a while, he once again broke the silence. "Hey, do you wanna know what I heard?"

Not really, Mizatan thought. "What?" he said.

"I heard that Captain Williams got rid of The Commander" - Rhodes' self-determined moniker for their former first officer, Commander Ra-Xialli - "because he didn't laugh at one of his jokes. Gave him all of his own paperwork to do, and then booted him back at Cygnet. This new one, Hawke - I hear he'll just be a paper pusher, who makes sure that everyone laughs at the captain's jokes all the time."

Fij couldn't help but roll his eyes. It was one of the most ridiculous rumours that Rhodes had spun yet, including the one he came up with about Captain Byrne still being alive and having managed to somehow beam himself aboard T'Marl's ship during the destruction of the Endeavour so that the two could carry out some sort of sordid love affair. And the one where Admiral Walford and Admiral ch'Rosia were actually the same person; a changeling who got bored of their old, human form and decided to change into a male Andorian but keep doing the same job. Mizatan knew it was pointless to point out that Admiral ch'Rosia had had a long career long before he had replaced Admiral Walford, and that the two of them had even been seen together at a number of Starfleet functions.

"I highly doubt that Starfleet would allow the captain to dismiss a first officer for not laughing at his jokes." He stopped himself before he started an argument he knew was impossible to win. "Have things changed at all in the security department now that Lieutenant McIntyre is second officer?"

Rhodes harrumphed. "Only about as much as the engineering department has changed now that your SO has robot legs. He's going to be unbearable; constantly telling us what to do, walking around with a big ego... it's going to be a nightmare." Fij knew for a fact that Rhodes rarely ever saw his department head, let alone had any real grief from him. And that was aside from the fact that it was already the man's job to tell the security department what to do, and the completely random inclusion of the fact that Lieutenant Kessel had required artificial replacements for his missing legs. That had already been the source of a number of rumours the security officer had come up with; most of which had thankfully died when Fij had pointed out the glaring holes in their logic.

"Well, if that is the case, then I wouldn't want to keep you from getting back to your post on time," Mizatan said, standing and moving to take his tray back to the replicator to be recycled.

"Yeah, best not be late yourself. Otherwise Kessel might grind you into a paste to oil his legs with."

Mizatan just shook his head and ignored his friend, and made a beeline for the exit.