Revelations Part Four

Posted on Mon Jan 30th, 2017 @ 10:08pm by Ensign Jonathan Forrest

Episode: Out of Sequence
Location: USS Relentless
Timeline: Both boys 11

=/= USS Relentless, 2379 Alex and Jonathan Age 11=/=

Previously
Gilik nodded in understanding. The strength of his emotions was starting to seep across the room. It was a whole lot of stress for an eleven-year-old to have to bear. "Why would anyone hate you, Alex?" he asked very gently. "I know you're scared. I want you to know you're safe here and now."

"Because I'm weird and I do weird things," Alex said softly. "I hate me."

Now, the continuation:

Gilik noticed Jonathan wanting to speak up immediately in defence of his brother, and raised a hand to quell him, making eye contact for a few moments with a reassuring smile before returning his full attention to Alex. "Those aren't very nice thoughts to be having about yourself," he said in a soft, careful tone. "Has somebody told you you're weird? Or is there some reason you think you are, something you feel you need to hide?"

"Lots of people tell me I'm weird. Other kids, adults, Johnny....It's because I do weird things, I have weird thoughts. I don't know why. I would stop it if I could."

"You know what I think?" Gilik asked. "I think Johnny wants to know you better, to understand you more. And I think your mother wants that as well. Not being understood by others isn't the same thing as being 'weird'. Sometimes we're just... different. Sometimes we're... not exactly what other people expect of us. And you know what? That's okay. Maybe if you could start to understand who you are a little better, you might start to like yourself, and other people would see you're not weird. You're just you--perfectly, you. Is that what you want, Alex? Just to be yourself?"

He nodded slightly. Then a look of confusion passed over his face. "How do I understand myself better?"

"Well... why don't we start with those things about yourself that you think are weird?" Gilik suggested. "If we can talk about those, maybe we can start understanding why you're different, and what might be at odds inside of you."

"I still sleep with Francine," Alex supplied. That was one thing both Jonathan and Marcie already knew about. "She's a stuffed elephant my mom gave me when I was little. I know that's weird, Johnny stopped sleeping with his toys a long time ago."

Gilik smiled disarmingly. "Well, maybe a lot of people don't admit to those things, but they're more normal than you might think," he assured Alex. "Some people keep those comforting objects well into adulthood. If someone wants to give you a hard time about that, they must really be grasping at straws. The way you like to sleep really isn't anyone's business, is it?"

"I guess not," Alex said, uncertain. "I have a few holoprograms where I play as a girl," he blurted out, the words leaving his mouth and hanging in the air like a noose as far as he was concerned. "Including the one, Johnny and I played yesterday."

Gilik nodded, showing no reaction to this whatsoever. "Well, that's not strange either," he remarked, smiling. "We all enjoy a fantasy. You and your brother aren't really adventurers, or knights, or Starship Captains, but you can pretend to be on the holodeck." He paused and kept Alex's gaze. "Or does it feel like more than just playing pretend?"

Jonathan wasn’t old enough to fully understand the implications of Gilik’s question, but he could feel the unease and tension that was rolling off of Alex. So, he did the only thing he knew to do. He squeezed his brother’s arm and said, “It’s okay,” not even realizing the implications of his own words.

Alex felt a chill, a tension gripping his heart. Jonathan's reassuring squeeze broke the eye lock with Gilik. He looked over at his brother fearfully and then back over to Gilik. "Not being in those programs sometimes feels like pretend."

Gilik pressed his hands together. Now they were really getting to the heart of it. "You mean... when you can be a girl, it's more real for you? It feels more like... you?"

Alex had never put it together like that, but as soon as Gilik said the words, it was like a light bulb went off in his head. In her head. Alex sat up straighter, contemplating the new revelation. All of the pieces that felt off, all of the moments on the holodeck that felt right. Everything clicked. Alex opened her mouth and muttered in awe, "I'm a girl."

Things clicked in Jonathan’s head too, though not quite in the same way. It did help explain the way his brother had been acting and why he’d wanted to be a princess. It helped, a little, that he had two mothers, but the whole concept, especially since it had just been thrust upon him so suddenly was a difficult concept for him to grasp. How could a boy be a girl? It really didn’t make a lot of sense to him. But just because he didn’t really understand it didn’t change the way he felt about Alex. “I, uh, I love you whoever you are,” he said.

Alex placed her hand on top of Jonathan's. "I love you, too."

Gilik smiled almost dreamily. Witnessing a revelation like this was a beautiful thing, especially so when the support Alex so badly needed fell immediately into place. He smiled proudly at both of the boys. "There now. It's okay to be a girl, Alex."

Revelation gave way to questions and concerns. Did this change anything? What would their mother say? "But I was born a boy," Alex pointed out with concern. She had so many questions and no way at the moment to answer them all. "Are you going to tell our mother?"

"Our anatomy doesn't have to define who we are," the Counselor replied. "There's plenty we'll still have to talk about, and it's going to be a long road to really discovering yourself finding out the best way to live so that you can be happy with yourself. But to answer your question, no, I'm not going to tell your mother. What I can do is to help you to such a point as you feel you can tell her yourself."

Alex fidgeted uncomfortably. That day sounded like a long way off and there was hour was just about up. "What are you going to tell Mother?"

"Most likely, I'll tell her we had a very productive discussion, and that I'll want to see you again, regularly. With or without your brother, but your mother isn't invited. This is your business, and it's your decision what to tell her and when."

“Thank you,” Alex said in a small voice. Meeting Gilik hadn’t turned out at all how she thought it would. She found herself actually looking forward to the idea of another talk, to figure out what all of this meant. There was just one loose end. “Johnny,” Alex turned to face her brother. “Can this be our secret for now?”

“Of course, Alex, I won’t say anything to mother, I promise,” Jonathan told her, “it’s going to be really hard for me to think of you as a her. But I promise to try.”

“I know you will.” Alex pulled her brother into a full hug, emotions welling up inside of her. It would take a long time to untangle them all, to finish putting all of the pieces together, but right now it didn’t matter. She knew what the puzzle was and she had love and support.

END
By
 Ensign Jonathan Forrest
Chief Helmsman
USS Highlander

with guest appearance by Kristine and Adam